tinfoil, whiskey, and computers

Just some quick reviews as I’m way behind and need to post and update.  Ghost Rider was a whole lot of blah.  I don’t mind all the new comic movies.  Comics are cool and there are a lot of great stories out there.  I even liked Ghost Rider when I was a kid.  But Hollywood is in a rush to push out as many as they can regardless of quality.  Ghost Rider is probably above average as these things go.  That doesn’t mean it’s good.

The story is straightforward enough.  Dude sells his soul to the Devil, becomes Ghost Rider, saves the day, gets the girl, sets itself up for a sequel which I hope doesn’t happen.  The performances were phoned in.  Nothing terrible, nothing impressive.  Eva Mendes is hot but she’s a terrible actress.  Nic Cage is his typical character.  He doesn’t have much depth.  He’s becoming another Kevin Costner to me, who I loathe as an actor.

I’m not going to give a crappy review.  It’s ok.  Don’t expect much from it and it’s alright.  I think it’s better to wait until DVD though.  Not worth the money for a matinee.

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I wasn’t expecting much. The Hitcher is yet another horror remake from Hollywood. I have not seen the original for some reason. I really should as it’s considered a very good movie. Even without seeing the original I can say this is horrible remake.

You know a movie is going to suck when the college guy drives a classic, very expensive muscle car. That’s a dead giveaway. It went from bad to worse as the college couple made the most ridiculous, unrealistic decisions, the kind no one in real life would ever make. Later they wreck the car (yeah, pseudo-spoiler, so sue me). The thing is, when they wreck at least two other vehicles witness it yet neither stops. One is a religious family, the other a trucker. If you would expect someone to stop it would be those two. This was so absurd I almost walked out. There are probably 2 dozen times they could have point blank shot the bad guy yet no one ever does.
I wouldn’t even recommend renting this turd. It’s a waste of time, definitely a waste of money.

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I have never seen so mucch shit and vomit in my life. Thumbs up! Jackass Number Two lives up to its title and its predecessor. The only thing that will probably stop these guys is death, and that ain’t too far off.

There isn’t a lot to talk about. I mean, it’s Jackass. They do what Jackass does. The inclusion of some little skits is kind of fun. The audience was laughing the whole time, cover their eyes half the time, and whincing in pain quite often.

If you like Jackass, go see it for sure. There really isn’t any other audience for this flick.

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How could I nothave given this a review?!? Beerfest is the next film from one of my favorite groups, Broken Lizard. I’ve always thought these guys had potential after I saw Super Troopers. Then Club Dread camee out and I wondered what they were thinking. Then Dukes of Hazzrd came out and I knew what they were thinking (paycheck). Finally we get Beerfest, the kind of movie these guys were meant to make.

Basic plot revolves around the Beerfest competition held in Germany (sorta like Bloodsport in a weird way) and a family rivalry spanning decades. The American team comes together to save the family name and consists of college drinking buddies.

There are some throwbacks to Super Troopers and several of the same minor actors, which I think is great. There is a ton of gratuitous nudity, which is perfect for this kind of movie. Frankly I would have been disappointed had they not had lots of nudity in an R rated movie about drinking.

I honestly can’t wait for this movie to come out on DVD so we can sit around and drink while watching it. I would have drank more the night we saw it but I was training and had a long run the next day. Meh.

Stumble on in and see it, but plan a night of drinking around it!

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How can you go wrong with an elephant fight sequence? Answer: you can’t. The Protector is Tarantino’s latest Asian import. I found it interesting because it is something we’d never see in an American movie. The basis for the movie centers around Thai culture and their respect and honor for elephants. The cultural aspect is something that immediately caught my attention.

Tony Jaa plays a man who raises elephants, a long and proud family tradition. When his father is killed and elephants stolen he tracks down the criminals responsible.

The story is actually a good one and Jaa does an excellent job showing his emotion and love for the elephants. For me, the movie really comes down to the action. The action is absolutely over the top and fantastic. American movies just can’t compete with Asian fights scenes. Of course, the car chase sequence shows Asian movies can’t compete with American car chase scenes.

My favorite fight scene is a long, continuous camera shot following Jaa as he enters a retaurant and makes his way up each story, beating the crap out of dudes all the way up. The length of the scene, and the fact it was a continuous shot, shows the incredible fight choreagraphy and abilities of all those involved.

I don’t think this movie is for everyone. The version I saw (the US release) is mostly dubbed with some subtitles. I happen to like Asian movies and martial arts films. I can recommend it for others who like the same.

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Little Miss Sunshine is the reason I like smaller, more indepedent films so much more than big studio crap (the Typical Hollywood Turd™). The movie is about a typical, dysfunctional family who comes together around helping the young daughter get to the Little Miss Sunshine contest.

It’s a roadtrip movie as the family (mom, dad, uncle, brother, sister, and grandpa) piles into the family VW bus and heads out west to the contest. The opening sequence is tight and concise, introducing each character and their particular quirk in a smooth manner without shoving it down the audience’s throat. I could go over all their quirks but I think it’s better left to the movie to explain.

Needless to say, each character comes to their own level of happiness and reality through helping the daughter get to and compete in her contest. It’s a feel good ending. Perhaps it’s a little cliche as far as that is concerned, but it works in this movie. Everyone has their own battles and has to come to their own resolutions.

Definitely highly recommended.

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Just one minutes into the film and we’re off and running! It’s absolutely non-stop action after that. Crank delivers on its promise, a high speed, high action, popcorrn flick. Statham plays a contract killer who is double-crossed. He is given the Bejing cocktail and has a little over an hour to live (enough time to make a movie real time). The only way to slow the drug is to keep his adrenaline pumping.

It’s a perfect setup to do nothing but have action, car chases, and fights. There’s no need to think it through to much, just give me a simple reason why there is action and I’m happy. Crank does that in spades. Statham does a great job in this role. It’s no Oscar winner but he fights and delivers his clever one liners.

The ending sets itself up for a sequel. I don’t know the budget but I’m guessing this has a good chance of turning a decent profit and give us the inevitable sequel. And that just might work for this kind of movie. I think it’s a great matinee now that the weather is cooling off and getting rainy.

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Horror movie for chicks. The Covenant is a teen “horror” that, for a change, seems to be aimed at a female audience. It’s really more a “supernatural thriller” or some such nonsense. The main characters are the Spice Boys, a group of 17 year olds with unlimited power, a power that will kill them if they use it too much. Along comes Mr. Mean Dude, an outsider with the same powers who makes it his mission to kill the lead singer of the Spice Boys.

There are some cool effects and a ok fight scene. The story is fairly weak overall. The opening starts with a somewhat serious opening sequence giving the audience a history of the power, dating backs hundreds of years, witches, all that. Then it becomes a teeny movie instead of a fantasy/horror. The acting was fairly weak, there wasn’t enough nudity (natch).

I dunno, I didn’t hate it but there just wasn’t much there. That, and my reviews have been incredibly short lately, so, renter!

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